This is a final goodbye?
by Pigs and Scrambled Eggs
Summary: Lord Merton and Isobel say goodbye to eachother but she doesn't want to let go. Post-CS. For LovePearls as a thank you for all her support.


Author's note: I couldn't let their final conversation end like in the CS. I had to do something. Hopefully you like the story. Sorry that I included some dialogue from the CS but otherwise my story would have been out of context. Dialogue in italics belongs to Julian Fellows.

**This is really a goodbye?**

He held her hand firmly in his.

"_I love you, Isobel Crawley. I know it's not enough. I know I'm old and played out."_ Lord Merton said with great emotion.

"_You're not played out" _she assured him, looking at him almost tenderly. She placed her other hand on top of his. He had such lovely hands. _"And it means a great deal to me."_

He smiled at her slightly. She knew in this moment that he felt a gleam of hope inside. Isobel felt terrible that she soon would destroy it. But her mind was made up, was it not? Therefore she added _"But I will not poison what years we have left by setting you against your children." _

Before Lord Merton could answer, the door opened suddenly and the Dowager Countess came in. They let go of each other's hands.

"_Oh, have I interrupted a lover's twist?"_ Violet sounded almost cheerful.

"_Thank you for injecting __humour __in this moment of misery"_ Lord Merton replied bitterly. _"I must go."_ He buttoned up his jacket.

"_Oh dear, I've cut you short."_ Violet said. The cheerful tone in her voice vanished.

"_Not really."_ He turned to Isobel again and added sadly _"It was nothing more to say." _He smiled at her sadly. "Goodbye." And without adding anything further and without looking back, he went out of the room.

"_That was rather said"_ the Dowager said with compassion.

"_Yes, it was sad."_

Isobel felt miserable. She stood there, motionless. Thoughts whirled in her head.

"_Well, that sounds more final than if you'd spat in my eye"_ Dickie had told her bitterly before he had declared his love for her.

It was over now. For good. His words were still ringing in her ear. Isobel's head was spinning around and suddenly she felt nauseous.

"I'm sorry, would you excuse me, please?" she told Violet, not waiting for her to answer and hurried out of the door. She picked up her skirts to run.

When she burst through the front door of Crawley House, she could see the back of Lord Merton. He was just about to leave the garden. "Dickie!" she shouted. "Wait, please?"

He turned instantly as he heard her voice. He looked exhausted and sad. "Isobel, what is it? I don't think you have changed your mind." The last sentence was spoken without the slightest hope in it.

"About marrying you, no, I'm afraid not but…" she began.

Lord Merton interrupted her "Then, pray, what is it?"

Now she was no longer sure how he would take the idea that had suddenly formed in her head.

"You know, I cannot marry you. You know my reasons."

"I'm not sure it will be easy for me to accept them. But I will eventually, if it is what you want."

"Yes that's what I want" she assured him.

"Then this is really a goodbye?" Dickie asked.

"It needn't to be like that." she told him slowly. Lightly, she put a hand on his left arm.

"How can it be if you won't marry me?" asked Lord Merton. "I don't understand."

"I cannot marry you but I don't want to lose you either." Isobel said quietly.

"Well you can't have it both ways." he looked hurt.

"Can I not? Well, I had hoped we could at least be friends." She let go of his arm.

"I don't know. Wouldn't it be very painful?" Dickie asked. "It would be for me anyway. Every time we would see each other I would be reminded of the day I proposed to you, then the day you announced our engagement and how happy you were and how you face had glowed and how happy you had made me …" His voice trailed off. He could not go any further. It was too painful.

Dickie could see the tears in her eyes and gulped. He was sure if he would continue he would make her cry and the thought pained him.

He touched her cheek. Isobel closed her eyes. His hand felt so good at her face. It made her even sadder.

Finally, she spoke again. "So, this is a final goodbye, then?"

Dickie sighed. "Well, no…" He paused for a while. Then, he added "What you have suggested won't be easy for a start but I have to get used to it. Of course it will be painful at first but at least I could be in some way a part of your life. As a friend."

You will always be a part of my life, she thought. But she could not tell him without crying.

"Thank you, it means so much to me." She gave him a brief kiss on the cheek. She inhaled the scent of his aftershave.

"Goodnight, Dickie."

"Goodnight, my dear."

She watched him leave the garden. When he was out of sight she could not hold back the tears any longer.

As soon Violet was also gone home, Isobel sat silently by the fire in her sitting room and mused about her last conversation with Dickie. Isobel sipped a glass of red wine. She hoped it would help her find some sleep soon. She felt terribly exhausted but she was sure sleep would not come easily.

She was glad Dickie had finally agreed to her arrangement. He was right, it would be painful but at least they would be a part of each other's life.

**The end**

**Author's note: Thank you for reading. Reviews would be wonderful.**


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